Roses & Thorns

Roses & Thorns: The Good and the Bad

As my first entry, I didn’t really know what I wanted to say or where I wanted to begin. The beginning seems like the logical place, but when you’re as old as I am, the beginning was quite awhile ago. Maybe the beginning of this journey is more appropriate. It starts with my second year of teaching in the classroom, but starting my fifth year at the school. I started as an Instructional Associate, or a Paraeducator. I had recently returned to the world of work after 8 years at home with my three sons. My dream job. And it was. Not in it was perfect kind of dream, but that I had always wanted to do it and it flew by like I laid down to sleep and as soon as my eyes were closed, my time with my babies was over. It really does go as fast as they say. My first job back I obtained in a rare and unconventional way. They asked if I needed a job and after a long reflection on it, I accepted. However, with young children at home and a busy salesman, farmer husband, it wasn’t ideal for our situation. The school had an opening mid-semester and it worked out. Walking distance to work, but part time and on my kids’ schedules.

But I did the thing I always do when I get invested in something, I dive. Deep. And quickly. I loved what I was doing, but I wanted more. And for the first time outside of being a mom, I felt like I had a place and a calling. Another unconventional offer appeared and I took it without thinking too long. It was perfect for me. First year was great. Second year I took on more and it was even better. Doing all the things I loved, while making money and having an identity again. It didn’t last long. I lost myself in my job and felt like I had to commit to more and more. Third year everything imploded. When my husband changed jobs in the middle of the summer we didn’t really understand how it all would change, and so quickly. I found myself where I have found myself a few times in my life. Stressed. Depressed. Anxious. Exhausted. Failing. Everything. I couldn’t keep up with work, I barely saw my husband and the kids were suffering more than they knew. I knew it had to change, but leaving my job seemed impossible. It hurt to think about. Still does. But every time I reflected on what could possibly change and help us the most, it was the logical thing to do. So I did it. I quit my teaching job. But it didn’t change anything right away, and quite honestly made things worse. Typically you give 2 weeks notice and move on; I gave 3 months.

Fast forward to now and the last month of school upon us. Life is still as insanely busy and chaotic as it has been all year. I’m still Stressed. Depressed. Anxious. Exhausted. But what has stuck with me is what comes next? What am I going to do? We, as society, put so much stock and value into our job title and our salary to prove we’re worthy to everyone. To anyone. To ourselves. It’s painful to say “I don’t have a plan” or “I don’t have anything lined up”. The judgement behind it or the jealousy or the confusion. It was also painful because I was leaving something I knew I was meant to do. Influence young people. It’s what I’m good at and actually love to do. But not the teaching of standards, the grading, the politics, the stress or the piles of work to do.

So that put me in a spot to figure out, does what I want to do exist? Yes and No. Yes for those that are educated in specific areas primarily counseling, mental health and other areas. In order for me to do that I would have to take more classes and the likelihood that I would be able to do that any time soon was less than possible. I knew deep down what I was going to have to do was create my own job. Create a space for me and others like me to connect and thrive in what we not only wanted to do, but needed ourselves. Connection. Interaction. Talking. Listening. Support. Acknowledgement. So that’s what I’m doing.

With the help of those around me, we’re starting a space for people to interact on another level. A space to talk, listen, ask questions and explore in a safe way where we can lift each other up and support each other’s dreams. A place to vent when needed, or ask for help without judgement. A place to be ourselves without the worry of other people’s comments or criticisms. A place to grow. A place to cry. Whatever we need, you need, they need.

I have no idea where this will go or if anyone will ever read or use the resources to them, but I knew if I didn’t try I would always regret and wonder. So for now, it’s a place for me to share thoughts, emotions and coping mechanisms. Open the lines of communication that allow people to be sad, happy, scared, doubt or whatever they needed at that moment and beyond. Our Sanctuary was born.

Our Sanctuary Space is a platform that allows people from anywhere, but hopefully our community, to connect with someone they can talk to without judgement or worry. They can send an email just talking about whatever is burdening them or weighing on their mind. They can get advice if they want it. They can find resources of professionals that are trained to help at a higher and deeper level when they are ready for it. And finally they can be connected to others where we can cover a variety of topics in a physical space and talk things out. Like a support group without criteria. Women. Teens. Men. Children. Sports Teams. Youth Groups. Friends. Strangers. Humans.

The goal of Our Sanctuary is to create a space you feel safe enough to be heard, be supported and connect to others like or unlike you. This is not about me solving problems, but rather being the vessel to bring about change in the way we see communication, mental health struggles and each other. Someone has to take the first step and I believe I’m the one that can do that.